I often felt that it will do me a limitless amount of good to actually write - like people who keep diaries. The attention-monger in me nudged me towards writing blogs. But you see, I can talk a substantial amount in real time, when on a topic. The same is much too difficult for me to type. Classically, my brain works faster than my fingers can type. Yes yes, there are tapes and Dictaphone that I could use, but I really do not prefer listening to my own voice ranting to me.
As a conclusion, I have decided to actually sit down and write. Yes, this is the outcome of a trigger. You know when your mind is ripped into two, one asking you to punch the bastard in his face, and the other that actually doesn't care? I am there, and that is what I am writing about.
So, you go through what seems like a lifetime (even if it is a year, at the best), believing that the person you let inside your life is speaking the truth when he says he cares for you. Of course, you then ignore the others in your life who are not in a limelight, and the ones who have actually displayed their loyalty to you more than once. A friendship is much like any relationship - you fall in love and are in the stupor where everything is rosy and perfect, then slowly you start noticing the various flaws that every person has, then they begin to irk you, and you know you got to work on them. All that is fine if the relationship is worth salvaging. At the end of the day it is all about trust. How much should you trust someone who did not stand up for you when his disgusting friends suggested they could 'take advantage' of you when drunk, and claimed that your friend, 'wouldn't even know'? I can not put things up subtly, and so I simply chose to provide you with the crude details. Before moving ahead, let me justify calling his friends disgusting, because that has been my opinion of them since before this incident. These men (for you can certainly not call them gentlemen), have always bragged about their 'conquests' with every girl in the party. Their usual "I have had sex with her, her, her and her", in a much degrading way than I put it here, pointing fingers towards the girls, has been witnessed by many. And when such men come across you when you are with your closest lady friend, you bloody well keep them away from her! My self-righteous, now ex-friend, walked away from the scene, alone. His justification - "I walked away FOR YOU (making me the reason he had a tiff with his friends), because he said it too many times (of course, saying it once or twice is okay)". Maybe I am an extremist, but I would have preferred him slapping the guy, at the very least.
Yes, many of you might find it a petty issue. I don't. I abhor such creatures that objectify women, and consider each one of them a sexual conquest. More than that I despise traitors. I staunchly believe in loyalty. At a point, one must take sides. You choose. You can not be the pigeon AND the crow. U can not belong to both groups. Join them, be like them and out of my world. Or be my friend and let go of them. The sheer fact that this 'friend' showed no remorse upon his behaviour, and continues to be friends with the disgusting men, who have constantly tried befriending me (probably so they can add me to the list of conquests), whilst still texting me "you are my best friend", depicts the self-imposed stupor he lives in.
And then there is a part of me that realises that nothing will change him, and it does not matter if he tries to make up for it. It would be too little, too late. This incident has shed bright light on all the cracks in the relationship. And now it is impossible to go back. Which means I have lost my closest friend. Which is just fine, because this friend I loved was my perception of what I would want him to be, which, in reality he neither is, nor would ever be. So I shrug my shoulders hoping to lose that thought, and concentrate on more meaningful relationships I have, that have been unfairly given lesser importance by me, and attempt reviving them.
No comments:
Post a Comment